Read it again please! The importance of story time

bigstockphoto_Story_Time_588Reading to your kids is a crucially important part of your job as a parent.  And sometimes story time can begin to fall through the cracks of our busy lives.  So this week, I’m writing about the many reasons story time is such an important part of parenting.  I’m hoping to re-inspire you to commit to a daily story time for your kids whether they’re one-year-old, six, or twelve.

My parents all helped to teach me a love of reading that has enriched my life immensely.  My mom and dad read to me every night before bed when I was very young.  My step-mom read me “Little Women” over the course of several months when I was nine.  My mom read chapter books to my brother and me as my step-dad drove us miles and miles on our family vacations.  And in junior high and high school when I showed an interest in science fiction, my step dad turned me on to Douglas Adams.

Let’s explore how reading to your children at various ages supports their growth and development:

As a baby and toddler, your little one is picking up language skills at a phenomenal rate.  Reading to young people helps them increase their vocabulary, understand the parts of language, and learn the rules of English (if that’s your primary language).  There is nothing else you can do that has more of an impact on your child’s future ability to read and learn than a daily story time.  I recommend at least 30min. a day of reading together even with children as young as five or six months old.

When you point to objects and name them, your toddler can quickly learn to identify many more objects than he can verbalize.  Try asking your pre-verbal little one to point to the ball or shoe and you’ll be amazed at how much he can comprehend, even before he can speak.

As your child grows, story time becomes a bonding, connected time that your child can count on.  The emotional security that can grow from taking the time to sit down and read together is truly priceless.  It lets your child know first that she’s important to you and second, that reading and learning are fun.

And by pointing to the words on the page as you read, you’re helping her learn to recognize words.  Before you know it, she’ll be sight reading several words just because she’s had the repetition of hearing the word and seeing it on the page so many times before. Continue reading “Read it again please! The importance of story time”

Setting boundaries with kids

boyIn my parenting coaching I get a lot of questions from parents about how to discipline effectively and what to do instead of time-outs, spanking, yelling and other common discipline tactics.

When I think about the word “discipline” I think it sets up a disconnecting power dynamic where I’m in charge all of the time and the kids in my life must do what I say, or “behave”, and submit to my dominance.

On the other hand, without any “discipline” I imagine complete chaos and no sense of leadership.  So, instead of discipline, I like to talk about setting boundaries.

We all need boundaries whether with ourselves, our parents, children, employers or employees.  It’s healthy to have and keep clear boundaries, but somehow, many of us have never learned to recognize, implement, and maintain healthy boundaries.

I just read the novel “The Undomestic Goddess” by Sophie Kinsella.  It was a fun read but what struck me the most about it was how few boundaries the main character had at the beginning of the book.  Samantha was a high-powered lawyer at a leading Houston lawyer firm.  She was going for partner and as a result, she was available to her law firm 24/7.  No kidding.  The woman couldn’t even put her blackberry down for an hour to get a massage!  She was the epitome of someone without any healthy boundaries and without a life of her own.  Instead, she was completely owned by her law firm!

Do you ever feel owned by your kids and family?  Have you forgotten to set boundaries and maintain a healthy sense of self?  Well this week it’s time to turn it around.  Continue reading “Setting boundaries with kids”

Pets help kids learn empathy

Kids & DogHave you ever noticed that the way kids are around animals is like a microcosm of the way they are around everyone? When young people are happy, comfortable, and compassionate, they treat animals with kindness and care. And when they’re upset about something or feeling picked on and powerless, they often take out their aggressions on the family pet.

If you have a pet, pay attention this week to how your children treat the animals in your home. Are they gentle and caring, allowing the pet to come to them? Or do they chase, pull, grab, and harass the family cat or dog?

If your child is treating animals with care, you can develop their empathy skills even further by assigning them responsibilities like feeding the animals and giving them water. Older kids can even help brush and bathe the family pet. By taking the time to care for another, young people can begin to realize that they can have a positive impact on others through their care and hard work.

If on the other hand, your child is treating animals in a less than compassionate way, this is a perfect opportunity for them to learn empathy! By showing your child how to touch a pet in a way that is pleasurable for the animal, you can help your child develop a new awareness of other creatures and their likes and dislikes. When you remind your child that the cat doesn’t like to be chased, but will come and sit on her lap if invited, you’re teaching her patience, kindness, and how to be magnetic and inviting. What a great set of skills! Continue reading “Pets help kids learn empathy”

What to do about potty talk

kids_potty_mouth_pm-thumb-270x270-1Isn’t it amazing what kids find funny?  I’ve been surprised more than once by what seems hilarious to a 2, 4 or 6 year old.  And then I remember, their sense of humor is just developing.  Kids this age have a challenging time understanding word play and innuendo, but they do know that burps, farts, and poop are some of the funniest things around.

I’m guessing you’ve especially had an opportunity to witness this phenomena if you have a little boy but some little girls love potty talk too.  Suddenly “poopy butt” or “potty head” is their new favorite nickname for everyone.

So, what to do?  Well, first of all, recognizing that this is a normal stage of development can help you breathe deeply and relax a little when your child says “penis” for the tenth time that day or calls the lady checking you out at the grocery store a “fart face”.  Patience is a huge key to allowing this stage to pass, but patience alone will probably not create the kind of verbal environment you’re wanting.

So, you’ll have to create boundaries, letting your child know what works for you and what doesn’t.  I invite you to give a little here, and recognize that using potty talk is a way that your child is experiencing joy, laughter, and humor.  But clearly it’s not appropriate to call the teacher names or to shout the names of certain body parts across the store.  So the first step is to decide where your boundary is.  And that can vary greatly depending on your own preferences. Continue reading “What to do about potty talk”

Trusting Kids

kid-rock-climbingIt’s easy to become overprotective of kids, especially our own.  It’s as if we can suddenly see 10 steps ahead and we KNOW that something horrible is about to happen.  But what if our children don’t actually need our warnings, fears, and concerns in order to keep themselves safe?

When I was in college I learned about this incredible study that was done with babies who had recently learned to crawl.  They were placed on a piece of inch thick Plexiglas with a checkerboard pattern underneath.  Babies crawled around easily on the surface and came to their moms who were encouraging them from the other side of the surface.

Then, babies were put on another Plexiglas surface with the same checkerboard pattern just beneath the Plexiglas for about 3 feet and then a visual drop-off; the checkerboard pattern was a few feet below the Plexiglas. All the babies were completely safe from falling because the Plexiglas was strong and supporting them, however, even with their moms encouraging them and calling them from the other side of the room, babies refused to cross onto the area where it appeared there was a 3-foot drop.  They believed it wasn’t safe, and so they stayed where they were certain not to fall.   Amazing, right?! Continue reading “Trusting Kids”