Category: Attachment parenting

Working in a Montessori Preschool classroom wasn’t easy, but I love kids and I found a way to enjoy myself in the midst of 25 3-5 year olds. One of the most useful tools I had was the power of my attention. I noticed everything–and the kids respected me for it. And, I didn’t just offer up copious praise at the drop of a hat either. When I gave appreciation for something, the kids knew I really meant it.

I required levels of cooperation, consideration, and polite manners in the classroom out of necessity. If I let things go too far in a certain direction, I could have a room full of upset kids and no way to console them all. I was there to help the kids maintain order, and have a constructive day of fun and learning.

As a teacher, a lot of my job was to be a leader, an example, and a director for the kids in my charge. Directing can seem forced or authoritarian, if you feel anxious about it, but I’ve found that when I’m calm, centered, and clear about my direction, children often seem relieved and excited to contribute in the ways I’ve suggested. Structure can actually provide freedom, knowing someone else is providing direction and containment.

When it’s time to clean up I feel open and unconcerned as I let the kids know that there are several things that I’d like to see happen in the next hour: First, I’d like all the tables to be scrubbed, then I’d like the floor to be swept, and finally I’d like every child to look around the room for three things that are out of place and replace them to their “homes.” I ask for volunteers, get them easily and the children quietly go to work. Now I observe the children, and without interrupting their fun, insert helpful comments or warnings about possible spills or dangers. But I trust them to complete the tasks easily and independently.

Now, suppose a child is resisting, and I REALLY want this specific child to help. My most successful strategy is to clearly explain what I’d like to have happen, make a clear request and then put my attention on something else–that way the child doesn’t feel pressured, but is able to go about starting the task, without being stared down (sometimes your attention can be overwhelming for kids!).

Maybe she’s not quite ready to start the work, she’s still feeling resistant. So in five minutes I might go up to her and say quietly, “Hey, I just want to remind you about the sweeping- I’d really like that to happen before story time, do you think you’ll be able to get to it? Is there any help or support you need to accomplish the task?” By offering our help, sometimes we can get to the heart of the resistance. I’ve heard, “I can’t do it!” a LOT of times, which to me sounds like, “I need some help and reassurance!” So, remember to be patient and tune in to the underlying reasons why Julie might not want to clean up her mess.

The most visceral experience I’ve had of the power of my attention was one day at circle time. I was sitting at the front of the room and waiting patiently for the children to sit down and quietly fold their hands in their laps for circle. As I looked around the room I saw a few children who weren’t sitting and were instead bothering their neighbors, talking loudly, and moving around the room. I felt flustered, frustrated, and out of control and I began to ask them each to sit down.
“Frank, please sit down, I really want to read the story!”
“George, can you please stop bothering Nate?”
“Lucy, please put down the pencil.”
But the more I focused on the kids who were contributing to chaos, the more chaos ensued. Pretty soon half the kids in the class were running around the room talking loudly.

And then I had an “Aha!” moment. I realized that I had been focusing on what I didn’t want! I looked at the children again, but this time I only paid attention to the kids who were sitting quietly and ready for circle time. I offered my heartfelt appreciation to them.

“Jose! Thank you SO much for sitting so nicely on the line! I really like the way your legs are folded and your hands are placed in your lap. Thank you for showing me that you’re ready for the story.” And, “Sophia, it looks like you’re ready for story time too, I’m especially appreciating how careful you’re being to keep your hands to yourself, thank you!” As soon as I shifted my attention to what I wanted, the energy of the room changed. And within a minute I had all 25 kids sitting quietly on the line, ready for circle time.

I’ve never forgotten the lesson those kids taught me. When I pay attention to what I’m enjoying, I get more of it! But the reverse is true too–when I pay attention to what frustrates and annoys me, I get more of that.

So, this week, I invite you to focus on the positive, pay attention to what you appreciate and let the other stuff slide by–if only for one week. But most of all ENJOY yourself!

I’d love to hear about your experiences of the power of your attention, please leave your comments in the box below.